UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. -- The man who became a legend of the boxing ring, beating the likes of Thomas Hearns, Marvin Hagler and Roberto Duran, also spent decades beating himself up.
Gold medalist and Boxing Hall of Famer Sugar Ray Leonard spoke Monday at Penn State's Child Sexual Abuse Conference, recounting the abuse he suffered at the hands of two men who guided his amateur career in the 1970s and the anguish he endured before disclosing the ordeal in “The Big Fight: My Life in and Out of the Ring,” his 2011 autobiography.
“For 40-something years, I beat myself up,” he said, repeating, “I beat myself up. It was killing me.”
Introduced by Penn State football coach Bill O'Brien, who recalled how “blinding speed, tremendous power and great charm” turned the fighter into an immediate media sensation, Leonard confessed to crying on the plane ride from Los Angeles and in the morning prior to his speech at The Penn Stater.
“I stand here because I want to be responsible,” he said. “I had an impact in the ring; I want to have an impact outside of the ring.”
An introverted kid “scared of his own shadow,” Leonard, 56, said he gained confidence once he took up boxing in his hometown of Palmer Park, Md. While training for a spot on the U.S. Olympic team, Leonard said a coach sexually abused him and a fellow boxer as they traveled to a tournament.
"Trust is a very sacred thing, especially for young people, kids, for a young boxer,” he said. “So I trusted these people.”
The teen who would go on to defeat men with names like “The Hitman” and “Hands of Stone,” cried so hard his body ached, but told no one. As he thought then, “fighters don't cry.” Leonard failed to make the 1972 team, but prior to the 1976 Montreal Games -- where he'd win gold as a light welterweight -- that same coach would violate his trust again. A few months later, a supporter who offered assistance with living expenses while Leonard trained, also abused the young fighter.
“I could smell his breath right now,” he recalled. “I said, 'Not again. God please, not again.' ”
As a professional, Leonard won championships in five weight classes and signed lucrative endorsement deals. However, his life also included battles with drugs and alcohol -- “It numbed me” -- and a failed marriage. Now remarried and six years sober, Leonard expressed the relief of ending the silence that he called a toxin that “tears up your heart.”
“My life has changed so much by speaking up, speaking out,” he said. “It's been wonderful.”
Leonard encouraged an open dialogue on abuse, particularly narrowing the “communication gap between parent and kid.” (Leonard said he never told his parents of the abuse and still hasn't spoken to anyone in his immediate family about it, only having broached the subject with his 15-year-old daughter, Camille, who accompanied him at the conference, during the evening before his speech.)
“I feel so great in knowing that today we're going to start speaking out, we're going to speak up, we're going to talk about this thing," he said. "We can't let this thing destroy our kids.”
To view Leonard's speech in its entirety, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JKaquBpYeQ&feature=youtu.be.